Cha-cha-changes…

Mini-Me got married Friday night in spite of what seemed like one problem after

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Mini-Me’s Wedding 6-9-17

another.  Nearly everything that could go wrong did, and yet we still managed to pull off a wonderful wedding for her somehow.

 

I even ended up getting ordained again so that I could officiate their wedding.  I had to let Chicklet perform the actual ceremony though because I could not stop crying.

They spent their honeymoon at Lake Keowee State Park.  A beautiful place and their campsite had a lovely view.

We spent some of our Sunday there after having the grandbaby all weekend so that Mini-Me and The Pain could have some alone-time.  When we got there, they told us they had rented the site for an extra night and offered it to us.

We weren’t able to stay overnight due to the fact that the air mattress they’d taken sprung a leak Friday night and wouldn’t stay inflated and we didn’t have 19059601_1882819108639446_5566190478237499836_ntime before dark Sunday to see if we could find the leak.  We stayed until late, a few hours after the kids all left, and it was soothing to both of us after all of the stress we’ve been under lately.

We sat in the pitch black dark by a dying fire with the sounds of the water lapping at the shore and talked about things we’ve been needing to say for a long time and contemplated how easy it is for two people who love each other more than their next breaths, to lose sight of each other in the stress and hustle and bustle of adulting.  We reconnected in a way that I’d become uncertain that we ever would again and it was amazing.  Rediscovering each other was almost as wonder as when we first found each other nearly 21 years ago.

The hard reality is, we’ve been in trouble for a while.  Somewhere along the way, we lost19059081_1881714075416616_866955883426286232_n each other and forgot exactly what it was that brought us together.  The “D” word has even been mentioned, although no one took any steps in that direction and I honestly didn’t want either of us to.  Neither did he, but we’d also both reached a point where it was starting to look kind of hopeless.  It seemed like the harder we tried to fix it, the worse things got.

A lot of things can be said in the dark that can’t be said in the light, I suppose, and I’ve had some of my most profound conversations in the dark, I just never thought we’d one day need the dark to be able to communicate with each other.  Adulting is hard, ya’ll.

Monday was kind of an easy and playful day.  We both knew that since we’d finally broken through the communication barrier, that there were other things we needed to talk over, but neither of us wanted to then.  Instead, we waited until Tuesday and spent the day talking while we did things around the house to recover from the wedding/weekend with a grandbaby/day at the lake.

I also spent a fair amount of time Tuesday working on organization and overhauling my budget, calendar, routines, etc.  With all of the stuff that’s been going on the last few months as we tried to start pulling everything together for Mini-Me’s wedding, everything got out of whack.  The bills, my ability to feel like I was getting any of my “regular” stuff done and even my ability to find time to eat and rest properly.

I’ve barely eaten or slept more than three hours at a time in what feels like months and it was really starting to take its toll on my mental and emotional state, which was taking its toll on every other part of my life.

I’m a creature of habit.  Routines are good for me and always have been.  Getting too far away from them causes total chaos in my life.  That’s one of the reasons the FlyLady system fit me so perfectly.

So, it’s been crazy.  Really crazy.  I’m going to try to find time to start writing again regularly.  I’ve had people tell me for years that I needed to write some of my memories and experiences down and I’ve been thinking about that very thing lately.  I’ve especially been thinking about writing down mine and Draco’s story the last few days as I’ve fought to get my life back under control.

At any rate, I’ll leave you with a pic of me and my girls from Friday, right before we all went out for the wedding…

 

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Left to right:  Chicklet, Lizzy, Me and Mini-Me

 

 

 

 

SOC Sunday ~ Week in Review 4-23

Where pain and sleep were concerned, it was a rough week.  Read about it here.

We had Easter last Sunday.  I slept for 5 hours, the longest I’d slept in days, in the middle Easter 2017of when I was supposed to be getting ready for the Easter cookout.

In spite of that, fun was had by all.  The food got done and was good and Squishy had a good time.  Even my dad had a good time, although he had some pain issues of his own going on.

I didn’t sleep all week beyond an hour or two here and there and by yesterday, I was exhausted.

Still, it was DH’s birthday and the kids planned a cookout for him.  We had ribs that The Pain made and they were delicious! Here are a few pics from yesterday…

Me n Heidi on P's 44th44

Last night, I actually slept for like six hours.  Apparently, most of this was done without moving.  This morning, my back is killing me, but it was worth it to wake up knowing I’d had more than 2 hours of sleep at one time.

Not much else to say today, it was a slow week because of the lack of sleep.  Here’s hoping that last night was a turning point with my insomnia.

Have a great week!

 

Running on Empty

I’ve been MIA recently and missed some of my own deadlines here on the blog.  I’m still kicking, but the pain issues I mentioned in my last post lead into a horrible bout of insomnia which has left me suffering from mild exhaustion.

funny-sleeping-animal-memes-7I’m going into Day 9 of little to no sleep.  My mind has reached such a state of breakdown from lack of sleep that it’s been hard to even think of writing anything useful.  The ideas have evaporated along with any hope I have of sleeping more than two hours at a time.

The ideas seem to have evaporated along with any hope I have of sleeping more than two hours at a time.

The pain has finally started to ease some, at least back to where it feels tolerable again, but it has caused such a disruption to my sleep patterns that now I find myself unable to sleep like I normally do.  Granted, “normal” for me still isn’t great and hasn’t been for two years now, but it was better than this.

Easter Sunday, the one day I really needed to be up and accomplishing things, I slept for

Easter 2017
Squishy and Mini-Me hunting eggs.

around 5 hours consecutively in the middle of the day and ran late on our family cookout.  The cookout was still fun and the food was still good, but by the time we got outside to start the egg hunt portion of the day, we were losing light fast.

 

The cookout was still fun and the food was still good, but by the time we got outside to start the egg hunt portion of the day, we were losing light fast.

Squishy was still adorable in her Easter outfit and since she’s only three, I don’t think she really remembered her first two Easters well enough to be disappointed that we only got to hide the eggs once, which was a plus.  She still had a good time as well and racked up on Easter gifts, but it didn’t ease my guilt over everything coming together so late in the day.

I was more than a little disappointed in myself that everything felt so rushed at the beginning and that I spent the entire first hour or so everyone was here in the kitchen doing the things I’d intended to be doing while I slept for nearly 5 hours.

The lack of sleep is causing some kind of brain-fog where it’s hard to think straight 90% of the time.  I’m awake at all hours and when I do finally sleep for a couple of hours, it’s at weird times and I’m starting to have nightmares that are leaving me feeling like I haven’t actually slept at all and the exhaustion is leaving me without the motivation to do anything other than sit at my desk and stare at the screen.

It’s also caused a drastic increase in my anxiety.  Logically, I know that I’m beyond tired, that I’m actually suffering from mild exhaustion and that I shouldn’t let things get to me, but when you’re as tired as I am, it’s often hard to control the emotional side of things.

The brain-fog I feel like I’m trapped in has caused some sort of weird writer’s block when

Sleep Meme
I totally feel the way that monkey looks lately.

it comes to the kind of material I had hoped to be producing here.

 

The timing of starting a new blog and this happening couldn’t have been worse.

This morning, I felt compelled to share something, even if it was just to say that I’m practically not sleeping and can’t seem to form meaningful content at the moment.

I’m sure most of you have experienced issues of some sort with writing at some point or have had trouble sleeping for one reason or another to the point that you feel practically useless beyond the bare minimum.

So please, bear with me.  My life is a bit of a train-wreck at the moment.  I hope that it all straightens out soon.

Oh, and today is Paul’s birthday.  We’re going to Mini-Me and The Pain’s for a cookout later today to celebrate.  Maybe I’ll get some pics while we’re there if I can remember to charge my phone today, something I kept forgetting to do over and over yesterday.

 

Self-Care

I know, most people start their blogs with an “About Me” post. I decided to do that post later and to, instead, post about something very important to me. Self-Care.

I’ve always been a believer in the importance of caring for yourself, as well as your family, and not just your family.

When we pour everything we have, everything we are, into another person  (or people) -as we tend to do as parents and partners, we are giving away something important and it has to be replaced.  Without replenishing ourselves, we drain ourselves.

When we practice regular self-care, it allows us to give something back to ourselves to recharge our batteries, and it keeps us from getting worn down, and eventually resenting the people we care about.

I try to make self-care part of my daily routine, but failing that, at least a few times a week.

As a Pisces, there are a few things I need desperately when it comes to self-care.  One is some quality alone time.  I’m not much of a people-person by nature beyond my family anyway, but I find myself needing to step away even from them from time to time.  I need time to myself to just be me.  Not the me that wears all the hats and fulfills all the responsibilities, just me.  When my time is consumed by people outside my Tribe (what I call my family), I need it even more.

Bathtub Clipart

Water.  Be it the lake, a pool or even just the bathtub, I need that time in the water. Also, if it’s here at home in the tub, it has to be as hot as my body can stand it.

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My own blend of bath salts

 

This is part of my cleansing and grounding ritual anyway.  As an empath, it’s important to get the “funk” of other people’s emotions off of me.  A feat that can really only be completely obtained through either natural running water or peel your skin off, hot water.

 

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Homemade lavender bath bombs

 

When I was young, I had no clue how important caring for my skin properly would become when I got older.  I cared for my skin, as in, I washed my face and body but that was about the extent of that.  Now, I look in the mirror and I realize how beneficial a good skin-care routine would have been in my youth.  I do it now, all the way down to exfoliating and moisturizing and toning, but I do wish I’d done this more when I was younger.  My skin might have been more youthful in appearance now that I’m in my 40’s if I had.

Sugar Scrubs BS&V
Homemade Sugar Scrubs

I admit, other than keeping my hair clean and conditioned, I don’t do much else with it most days.  I prefer to let it be natural without a ton of products on it unless I’m dressing up to go out somewhere more than the grocery store.

I’ve found that it’s important to let your body breathe.  Less really can be more when it comes to dumping a bunch of chemicals all over your body, which has a lot to do with why I started making my own products instead of using the store-bought stuff.

So that’s a peek inside my self-care ritual.  What do you do to care for yourself?

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