52-Week Blog Challenge ~ Week 3

Meet My Family

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to include myself here or not, but I figured, what the hell?  Right?  So, here is a peek at my family!

Me (1)
Dawn (Kena), The Hearth Witch

 

I am 42 years old, as of March 2017.

I’m a wife, mother, and grandmother (GiGi).

I’m also a Hearth Witch (Domestic Pagan, Domestic Diva), blogger and avid gamer.

I like to make homemade things like cleaners and beauty products, and I support Green Living and Sustainability.

I like to grow things.

I love to cook.

I struggle with Mental Illness.

I am an Animal Rights advocate.

I support the LGTBQ movement.

I drink lots and lots of coffee.

My family, or The Tribe, are my world.  They mean everything to me.

Paul Fav
Paul (Drako)

I met this guy in December of 1995.  He’s my soulmate, Twin Flame and the love of my life.

We met while I was having a nervous breakdown in 1995 (another story for another time) and he loved me anyway and helped me through it.

In 1997, we married and he became part of mine and Mini-Me’s life and he helped me raise her.  He’s been her Daddy since she was three years old.

He’s a Taurus, the strong and silent type.  He was in the Army when I met him and that period of his life helped to shape the man he became.

Because we were so young when we met (I was 20 and he was 22), we practically grew up together.  We’ve both changed a lot, and trust me when I say that we have been through a lot, but my love for him has never changed.

Me n Heidi on P's 44th
Me and my Mini-Me

The product of my very short-lived first marriage (again, another story for another time).

This girl is what my world has rotated around since I was 17 (almost 18) and first heard the words, “You’re pregnant”.

She has made me the woman I am today and although my first marriage didn’t make it, I consider her a gift and a blessing every day.

She’s gifted in ways that I never was.  Very artistic, has the voice of an angel, can make just about anything.

She loves to bake, sew, sing and make things.

Bell & Wayne
The Pain

This guy will officially be our son-in-law in June 2017.  He and Mini-Me have been together for four years now and are the proud parents of Squishy.

At first, Paul and I were upset about the age difference between Mini-Me and The Pain, but he makes her happy and they love each other.

He’s good to our family and is always there if I need him for anything.

He’s very protective of The Tribe.

He loves to hunt and fish and is almost always covered in camo.

Belly
Squishy

This little girl has stolen my heart, just like her Mommy did.

If you had told me when I had Mini-Me that there was any love that compared to the love you feel for your own child, I would have told you that it wasn’t possible.  No way could you feel love as intense as what you do for your child.

I was wrong.

At the tender age of three, she has each of us wrapped around her chubby little finger, me especially.

She already shows signs of artistic abilities and loves music and Scooby Doo.

Trista
Chicklet

Sometimes, adopted family can mean just as much to you as your actual family.  That’s certainly the case with Chicklet.

About 10 years ago, Mini-Me found her locked out of our next door neighbor’s house trying to get in to get to her dog, Smooches, who has now gone on over the Rainbow Bridge.  Mini-Me came and got me and we got her furbaby for her.

Somehow, she ended up sleeping on our couch a few weeks later and she never really left.

Since then, she’s become like a daughter to us and has been there for our family through thick and thin.

She loves our family and is fiercely protective of us.

She enjoys performing arts, music, reading and is very active in politics.

Daddy
My Daddy

This guy right here is super-special!

He wasn’t always my daddy, but he’s always been a father-figure.

When I was born, he was my mom’s best friend and he and his first wife were asked to be my godparents.  I called him “Uncle” until I was 10 when he and my mom finally decided to get married.

Since then, he has been Daddy.

He’s smart beyond reason and I’ve called him a “walking encyclopedia” most of my life.

He loves me and my little family and there’s not much he wouldn’t do for us.

He’s intelligent, artistic, loves to read and I have had some of the best conversations of my life with him.

He instilled in me a love and respect for nature and taught me nearly everything I know about everything.


So, now you’ve met the core family.  There are other people, like TimberLeaves and Sweetpea, that I do consider part of our family, but this is my Tribe.

SOC Sunday ~ Coping With Losing Someone That Used to Be Family

So, what is SOC Sunday?  Some of you may have seen a SOC post on other blogs.  There are a few of them out there, not all of them on Sunday, but for those who don’t know, let me explain.

Stream of Consciousness is supposed to be where you just write whatever is in your heart or on your mind as it comes to you.  No specific topic, at least not to start with (I usually find that my mind picks it’s on main topic while I write).  It’s a mind-dump.  No editing, beyond fixing typos.


 

So, it’s been a week.  A hard one.  Especially where my pain levels are concerned.  For those that don’t know, I’m disabled due to an accident the hubby and I was in nearly 2 years ago.  We were on a moped and were hit from behind by a truck doing 55 mph.  It split my pelvis in half, broke both hips, shattered the left side of my pelvis, messed up my back, nicked my femoral artery on the right side and I nearly died.  There was a scattering of broken bones as well, but my back and left hip are the worst of it now, nearly 2 years later.

The pain this week has been hard to bear.  I’ve even had to use the cane a good bit this week.  I hate using the cane.  You have no idea how much I hate it.

I guess I should be thankful, I mean, I almost died, right?  After a weekend spent in CCU fighting for my life (they couldn’t get my vitals to stabilize because of nearly bleeding to death and crashing multiple times) and a surgery that lasted most of a day trying to put me back together, they said that they didn’t think I’d walk again at all.  I can walk, although not always well, but the point is that I’m alive and I can walk.  I should be thankful for that.

I always feel like I’m not being grateful for the fact that I’m here and that my legs work as well as they do when I complain about hurting.  It makes me feel like I’m not thankful enough for what I do have, even though I know that’s not really true.

Honestly, even though the doctors (as well as hubby and the kids) told me repeatedly that I’d probably be in pain for the rest of my life, I honestly didn’t think it would be this bad.

Of course, it’s worse than it usually is right now because of getting hurt and being stressed this week.

In other news, my ex-mother-in-law passed earlier in the week.  She was Mini-Me’s last living grandmother.  Most of my week has been wrapped up in trying to get her through that.  It’s been hard for her.

The viewing and service were last night.  I was supposed to go, but my ex-husband told Mini-Me the wrong time.  By the time they called and asked where she was, it was almost over.  She didn’t get to see her grandmother one last time like she needed to, and she’s been struggling because of that.  They ended up sending her great-aunt to pick them up, they dropped off Squishy with us and her and The Pain went on without me.  Getting ready for anything in a hurry is not my strong suit anymore.

I spent most of this week worried about Mini-Me, but also stressing because I thought I was going to have to deal with my ex and his family yesterday.  The ex and I have not gotten along well in the almost 22 years since we divorced, and since Mini-Me has turned 18, I think we’ve seen and spoken to each other once.

Surprisingly, when I took Mini-Me over there the day she passed, my ex asked her why I didn’t come in.  Honestly, I didn’t think I’d be welcome.  He told her that I was and personally invited me to come to the funeral home for the viewing and service and said for me not to worry, that he’d see to it that no one said anything to me.  Big, strong protector, huh?

Well, he was always protective of me…with everyone but himself, anyway, but that’s another post.

But, because of the time mix-up, I didn’t go.  Is it just me, or does it seem somehow almost worse when you’ve stressed over something for days and then it ends up being a non-event?

Of course, my anxiety had gotten involved.  The depression was expected, I mean, there was a time when I was close to my ex-mother-in-law.  She was like a mom to me when I was married to my ex and I loved her, although I’m not sure she really knew that I did.  I didn’t expect all the added anxiety over the idea of going to the viewing and service.

When Mini-Me lived with my ex, I even gave up some of my own time on my weekends to her when her and my ex had fallings out.  Mini-Me loved her and wanted to see her and I felt like he used that against his mom sometimes.  She was never that kind to me, of course, after the divorce, but that didn’t matter.  I did what I felt was right in my heart.

I miss her.  More than I thought I would.  Funny how that happens.  I’d known the woman for nearly 25 years, so I guess it’s understandable that I’d feel a loss of my own over it, although I’ve tried to hide my own pain from everyone as much as I could this week, especially Mini-Me.  I cried myself to sleep alone in my bed the night after we found out she was gone.

I did spend some time with my ex-father-in-law yesterday.  He brought Mini-Me and The Pain to my house after everything was done and I took them home.  We sat outside and talked for nearly an hour.  When my ex-sister-in-law called to see if he was coming back to her house, he told her straight up, “I was talking to Dawn a little bit”.  It made me feel kind of good that he made no explanations or excuses for why.  He may have later, but it meant a lot to me that he didn’t do it then, anyway.

So, that’s my SOC post for the week.  Kind of a “this is what my week has been like” post, I guess.

If you decide to do a SOC post, be sure to leave me a link in the comments and I’ll come check it out!