I have felt like I needed to write all day, but because of my pain levels, it seems all that is rumbling around in my head right now is about pain, so let’s talk about it.
As I’ve mentioned before, I have been permanently disabled for 2 years this June. I was injured when the moped my husband and I were riding was struck from behind by a truck doing approximately 55 mph.
The accident broke multiple bones, both hips, split my pelvis in half and shattered the left side, separated my pelvis from my spine and I took a pretty bad hit on the head when I hit the road (yes, I know, not wearing a helmet was a very immature and a very bad decision and one I would never make again if I could ever ride anything smaller than a car again, which I can’t). It also nicked my femoral artery on the right side and I very nearly bled to death.
The accident launched me up into the air and I landed in the road flat on my back from some distance up.
I spent an entire weekend in ICU, paralyzed all but my arms and head and most of it knocked out with the medications they were giving me to keep me sedated so I didn’t move too much. They could not even attempt to put me back together over the weekend because my vitals kept crashing and would not stabilize.
I had surgery on Monday, with my vitals still not reacting well, and came out with almost the entire left side of my pelvis wired together with metal plates and pins.
I have extensive nerve damage on the left side as well as sciatica. To say that pain is an everyday occurrence is an understatement.
Some days are worse than others, though.
What I experience is considered chronic pain, meaning that it never really stops, it’s more a matter of degrees of pain.
Lately, it’s been worse than usual, which is saying something because my average pain level is pretty high to start with.
I have been hurting pretty bad all day today, which is why I was putting off writing to start with, but then I fell.
Let me say here that I have always been clumsy by nature. Never very stable on my feet to start with, always tripping and running into things and falling for no apparent reason.
After getting pregnant with Mini-Me, dizzy spells also became a common occurrence.
The head injury I sustained during the accident has made the dizzy spells more common as well.
Tonight didn’t really have anything to do with being dizzy, although clumsy and unsteady on my feet due to the damage on the left side played a part.
I was home alone, which I am most evenings because of DH and Chicklet both working nights, and we have six dogs that spend most of their time inside. It was time to let them outside to use the bathroom and we kind of bottle-necked at the threshold between the living room and kitchen and I got tangled up with them and lost my balance. I sat down hard, something that left hip and my lower back no longer deal with well.
I finally managed to get up on my own with the help of a nearby chair and let DH know I’d fallen. He, of course, came home to check on me and found that my left hip was no longer seated properly in the joint, the bone in the very bottom of the back of my pelvis that broke when my pelvis shattered is a bone that will never heal (along with the break to the bone in the front of my pelvis that split in half) according to the doctors and from time to time, especially if I fall, that bone shifts somehow as well.
He, of course, came home to check on me and found that my left hip was no longer seated properly in the joint, the bone in the very bottom of the back of my pelvis that broke when my pelvis shattered is a bone that will never heal, (along with the break to the bone in the front of my pelvis that split in half) according to the doctors, and from time to time, especially if I fall, that bone shifts somehow as well.
He got my hip and that bone re-seated but I still had severe pain in my back and leg. Apparently, I had a nerve pinching in there somewhere as well.
Now, before I hear cries of emergency rooms and doctor’s appointments, let me say that I have already been told that there is little, if anything, that can be done for me at the hospital or doctor that the physical therapists and nurses didn’t teach my husband how to deal with at home. All they can really do unless something breaks is give me medication and a hefty bill, which we can’t afford, so we deal with most things at home.
It’s been 2 days since I started this post, and while my pain levels have decreased from what they were when I started this post, they are still running higher than normal. Yay me. NOT.
Chronic Pain is often a day to day coping experience. I never know when I go to bed at night what the next morning will bring. Sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s not.
I have barely slept since I fell. The pain keeps waking me up. I’m getting around and doing what has to be done, but it’s almost like performing a feat of strength and endurance to do it. I’ve taken the last 2 days off from cooking and most of the cleaning beyond washing the dishes and keeping picked up.
I’ve taken the last 2 days off from cooking and most of the cleaning beyond washing the dishes and keeping picked up. That’s about all I’ve managed.
I’ve also been dealing with high levels of anxiety and feel like I’m fighting off one of my depressive periods, which I hate. The combination of them tends to make me non-functional in my life, which is what I’ve been dealing with the last few days. I’ve been forcing myself to get up and do the things I have to do, that’s the only reason things are getting done.
Hopefully, my next post will be a little more upbeat, but I’ve promised myself that this blog will be nothing if not honest. Coping with chronic pain and mental illness isn’t easy. Trying to stay functional through it is even harder.