Running on Empty

I’ve been MIA recently and missed some of my own deadlines here on the blog.  I’m still kicking, but the pain issues I mentioned in my last post lead into a horrible bout of insomnia which has left me suffering from mild exhaustion.

funny-sleeping-animal-memes-7I’m going into Day 9 of little to no sleep.  My mind has reached such a state of breakdown from lack of sleep that it’s been hard to even think of writing anything useful.  The ideas have evaporated along with any hope I have of sleeping more than two hours at a time.

The ideas seem to have evaporated along with any hope I have of sleeping more than two hours at a time.

The pain has finally started to ease some, at least back to where it feels tolerable again, but it has caused such a disruption to my sleep patterns that now I find myself unable to sleep like I normally do.  Granted, “normal” for me still isn’t great and hasn’t been for two years now, but it was better than this.

Easter Sunday, the one day I really needed to be up and accomplishing things, I slept for

Easter 2017
Squishy and Mini-Me hunting eggs.

around 5 hours consecutively in the middle of the day and ran late on our family cookout.  The cookout was still fun and the food was still good, but by the time we got outside to start the egg hunt portion of the day, we were losing light fast.

 

The cookout was still fun and the food was still good, but by the time we got outside to start the egg hunt portion of the day, we were losing light fast.

Squishy was still adorable in her Easter outfit and since she’s only three, I don’t think she really remembered her first two Easters well enough to be disappointed that we only got to hide the eggs once, which was a plus.  She still had a good time as well and racked up on Easter gifts, but it didn’t ease my guilt over everything coming together so late in the day.

I was more than a little disappointed in myself that everything felt so rushed at the beginning and that I spent the entire first hour or so everyone was here in the kitchen doing the things I’d intended to be doing while I slept for nearly 5 hours.

The lack of sleep is causing some kind of brain-fog where it’s hard to think straight 90% of the time.  I’m awake at all hours and when I do finally sleep for a couple of hours, it’s at weird times and I’m starting to have nightmares that are leaving me feeling like I haven’t actually slept at all and the exhaustion is leaving me without the motivation to do anything other than sit at my desk and stare at the screen.

It’s also caused a drastic increase in my anxiety.  Logically, I know that I’m beyond tired, that I’m actually suffering from mild exhaustion and that I shouldn’t let things get to me, but when you’re as tired as I am, it’s often hard to control the emotional side of things.

The brain-fog I feel like I’m trapped in has caused some sort of weird writer’s block when

Sleep Meme
I totally feel the way that monkey looks lately.

it comes to the kind of material I had hoped to be producing here.

 

The timing of starting a new blog and this happening couldn’t have been worse.

This morning, I felt compelled to share something, even if it was just to say that I’m practically not sleeping and can’t seem to form meaningful content at the moment.

I’m sure most of you have experienced issues of some sort with writing at some point or have had trouble sleeping for one reason or another to the point that you feel practically useless beyond the bare minimum.

So please, bear with me.  My life is a bit of a train-wreck at the moment.  I hope that it all straightens out soon.

Oh, and today is Paul’s birthday.  We’re going to Mini-Me and The Pain’s for a cookout later today to celebrate.  Maybe I’ll get some pics while we’re there if I can remember to charge my phone today, something I kept forgetting to do over and over yesterday.

 

SOC Sunday ~ Weekly Dump

So, what is SOC Sunday?  Some of you may have seen a SOC post on other blogs.  There are a few of them out there, not all of them on Sunday, but for those who don’t know, let me explain.

Stream of Consciousness is supposed to be where you just write whatever is in your heart or on your mind as it comes to you.  No specific topic, at least not to start with (I usually find that my mind picks it’s own main topic while I write).  It’s a mind-dump.  No editing, beyond fixing typos.

*Note:  I’ve found it difficult sometimes to get this post done in real-time on Sundays and get it posted by a decent time, so going into the future, SOC Sunday will be like a weekly dump of “what happened this week” and will be posted on the Sunday after it’s written.


I’m running behind today, which seems to be the story of my life.  My kids laugh that I’ll be late to my own funeral, and I probably will be.

This week has had a lot of Spring Cleaning involved, and not just the physical kind.  It’s been spiritual, too.

I have been off my path for a long time and I finally started to see how it was affecting all the other aspects of my life. My relationships with those I love, my relationship with my home….it’s all interconnected.  When I get off the path too far spiritually, the rest seems to start to fall apart as well.

So this morning, I took some advice from my sister of the heart, Timber Leaves, and went out on the porch for a while.

While there wasn’t much sun on our porch this morning, I did get to enjoy the sights, sounds, and scents of nature.  I heard more wildlife than I saw although I did enjoy watching a carpenter bee making its way lazily from bud to bud on our apple tree.

Apple Tree
The Apple Tree in our front yard

It was peaceful, and just what I needed.  That’s one of the things I love about my sister-of-the-heart, she understands me and my needs, even before I do sometimes.

Before the day was out, I actually ended up out on the porch a few times.  DH and the oldest were doing some yard work and even cleared out around the bottom of the magnolia tree.

My hope is that the front yard will be ready for next Sunday so that Squishy has somewhere to hunt eggs.

In other news, my Dad is seeing someone.  She sounds like a lovely woman but this is new territory for me and I’m not completely sure what to do with it.

Mom has been gone for nearly 4 years, and I know he’s lonely.  I’m being as supportive as I know how to be and even extended an invitation to the cookout next Sunday.  Dad said she has things with her church and her siblings going on and probably won’t come, but I did offer, so I felt good about that.

I managed to hurt myself on Monday while taking Mini-Me and her family out to do some stuff, so I’m struggling to get on track with everything.  The blog is beginning to grow slowly, almost on its own so now I find myself looking at scheduling things in advance to give me a little more time to write and get things rolling around here.  Wish me luck in getting into the swing of things!

 

 

Spring Has Sprung at The Lair

Around here, Spring and Fall are a big deal.  Spring is the time for Spring Cleaning and recovering from the cold winter months when no one feels like doing much of anything except trying to stay warm.

The cleaning inside has been in full swing for a couple of weeks already.  Easter, which our family still celebrates because of Squishy, is next Sunday, so now the crunch to get the outside ready has begun in earnest.

Squishy Easter 2016
Squishy Easter 2016

We already have a cook-out planned, which is pretty much a tradition.  Easter is usually our first “true” cookout of the year.  Squishy did a good job last year hunting eggs for the first time with minimal assistance, so we’re hoping that this year she’ll be even more independent with it.

Squishy did a good job last year hunting eggs for the first time with minimal assistance, so we’re hoping that this year she’ll be even more independent with it.

Notice the red cheeks?  Yeah, she’s like her GiGi when it comes to being outside in the heat.  We’re not a heat-resistant bunch, so I’m hoping it’s not quite as hot this year as it was last year.

Of course, we’ll have a dinner for Ostara more around the 19th, but that’s usually a smaller affair and a good excuse to cook some of my favorites like ham and deviled eggs. For Easter, we’ll be grilling steaks that my Dad has generously offered to provide.

For Easter, we’ll be grilling steaks that my Dad has generously offered to provide along with my homemade baked beans and potato salad.

I’m itching to start planting things and buying plants for the porch.  I haven’t really felt capable of caring for plants since the accident and this will be the first year that I’ve really thought seriously about replacing all the things that died while I was recovering.

Sage, rosemary, and lavender are all on my list of things I want to grow.  I’m thinking of drying the sage and rosemary to make smudge wands and the lavender will help keep the mosquitoes off the porch some.

What kinds of things do you do in the Spring and how does your family celebrate Easter/Ostara?  Leave your thoughts in the comments below!