I’ve been MIA recently and missed some of my own deadlines here on the blog. I’m still kicking, but the pain issues I mentioned in my last post lead into a horrible bout of insomnia which has left me suffering from mild exhaustion.
I’m going into Day 9 of little to no sleep. My mind has reached such a state of breakdown from lack of sleep that it’s been hard to even think of writing anything useful. The ideas have evaporated along with any hope I have of sleeping more than two hours at a time.
The ideas seem to have evaporated along with any hope I have of sleeping more than two hours at a time.
The pain has finally started to ease some, at least back to where it feels tolerable again, but it has caused such a disruption to my sleep patterns that now I find myself unable to sleep like I normally do. Granted, “normal” for me still isn’t great and hasn’t been for two years now, but it was better than this.
Easter Sunday, the one day I really needed to be up and accomplishing things, I slept for
around 5 hours consecutively in the middle of the day and ran late on our family cookout. The cookout was still fun and the food was still good, but by the time we got outside to start the egg hunt portion of the day, we were losing light fast.
The cookout was still fun and the food was still good, but by the time we got outside to start the egg hunt portion of the day, we were losing light fast.
Squishy was still adorable in her Easter outfit and since she’s only three, I don’t think she really remembered her first two Easters well enough to be disappointed that we only got to hide the eggs once, which was a plus. She still had a good time as well and racked up on Easter gifts, but it didn’t ease my guilt over everything coming together so late in the day.
I was more than a little disappointed in myself that everything felt so rushed at the beginning and that I spent the entire first hour or so everyone was here in the kitchen doing the things I’d intended to be doing while I slept for nearly 5 hours.
The lack of sleep is causing some kind of brain-fog where it’s hard to think straight 90% of the time. I’m awake at all hours and when I do finally sleep for a couple of hours, it’s at weird times and I’m starting to have nightmares that are leaving me feeling like I haven’t actually slept at all and the exhaustion is leaving me without the motivation to do anything other than sit at my desk and stare at the screen.
It’s also caused a drastic increase in my anxiety. Logically, I know that I’m beyond tired, that I’m actually suffering from mild exhaustion and that I shouldn’t let things get to me, but when you’re as tired as I am, it’s often hard to control the emotional side of things.
The brain-fog I feel like I’m trapped in has caused some sort of weird writer’s block when
it comes to the kind of material I had hoped to be producing here.
The timing of starting a new blog and this happening couldn’t have been worse.
This morning, I felt compelled to share something, even if it was just to say that I’m practically not sleeping and can’t seem to form meaningful content at the moment.
I’m sure most of you have experienced issues of some sort with writing at some point or have had trouble sleeping for one reason or another to the point that you feel practically useless beyond the bare minimum.
So please, bear with me. My life is a bit of a train-wreck at the moment. I hope that it all straightens out soon.
Oh, and today is Paul’s birthday. We’re going to Mini-Me and The Pain’s for a cookout later today to celebrate. Maybe I’ll get some pics while we’re there if I can remember to charge my phone today, something I kept forgetting to do over and over yesterday.